A whole bunch of thinkin...

My head has been going 100 mph tonight. About a whole plethera of things....

First off....Casey Anthony. Who hasnt been thinking about this trial? So I'll put in my two cents and be done with it forever. Homegirl did it and got off scotch free. Who lies about their kid missing? Who doesnt report something like that in a MONTH? And if Caylee did fall in the pool and it was an accident, why wasn't it reported? I mean....did she think that everyone wouldn't notice that she didn't have the little girl with her anymore? And homegirl only got upset when it was her butt on the line and the trial was focused on her, not when they talked about Caylee and her death, etc.....And yes, all the evidence was circumstancial, but..pretty convincing....however, the jury made the decision based on fact. The prosecution failed to give hard evidence. Epic fail, again, Florida. And so Casey Anthony could confess tomorrow that she did it and she could not be retrialed....thats something I dont get. Thats where our justice system fails....if she ever admits to it now, she gets off scotch free STILL because of a little thing called Double Jeopardy...

However, God still loves her. And wants her to come to Him. He sent His Son to die for her, just as much as He did for me. Maybe she just needs a good exorcism, cause homegirl has to have some demonic influence to do a heinous crime like that. I've been convicted and praying that God lets me see her through HIS eyes, not mine..and its not easy. I can't condemn her, for Christ said- "He who is without sin, cast the first stone." I may have not killed anybody, but sin is sin and I've done my fair share. I hope she finds Christ before someone finds her...scarily enough,....I dont think shes going to last long out in the public. There are a LOT of people out there ready to cast stones, and Jesus isn't going to stop them.

Secondly, the last shuttle launch was today. End of an era. Kinda sad when you think about it. Soo many jobs lost...people who have spent their WHOLE CAREER in this field with NASA and today was the end of it. The space program was something most people saw as iconic and timeless, and yet here we are. There will be other shuttles to outerspace, just none run by the American government...only by other countries. Its a good thing too, I guess. Thats billions of dollars saved that we can put to our debt now. Its just....sad. the end of an icon.

Speaking of endings, Tripps in Asheville closed last week. Not that I ate there a lot, but I use to in my college days with my 2 best friends. We always went there and got the bread with sliced parmesan cheese and Ceasar dressing. Their Ceasar dressing was THE BEST! I had a lot of memories there with them...laughing really hard and slamming my fist on the table, making everything shake and my friends really embarrased to sit with me....having a deep, serious conversation and Laura Lyn and her ADD self looking out the window and bust out laughing cause a guy fell off his motorcycle getting onto it...its an end of its own era...however short it may be. Things arent ever going to go back to the way they were...we'll never have those days again.

So this is what it means to grow up. Sometimes letting go of things is hard. Moving on is difficult. As I prepare to move on to the next journey in life, I'm trying desperately to hold on to what I have here, but honestly, I dont know if I'll ever return to Asheville. I have NO idea whats going to happen after this tour. I'm trying to get rid of EVERYTHING that I can't take with me and build from the ground up when and if I ever get settled somewhere. So thats enough rambling for now. Gotta get back to work....

Rollercoaster of Emotions...

Yay for blogging! This one is about Facebook stalking. I dont recommend it. It tends to hurt sometimes. And I'm not stalking in a bad way- its not like I need to know peoples every move and where they are RIGHT THIS SECOND. Its kind of a check up on life thing that I do- people from high school and college and where life has taken them. I wonder if people ever do that to my facebook too. If they ever see mine and think- "Wow- shes been to Israel, Jordan, Greece, and travelled around the US, and look...shes going to LA in a month." I wonder if people see my life in pictures and think that I have a wonderful life...which I do. God has tremendously blessed me beyond imagine. He still continues to bless me....but just as they may look at my profile, I look at some of theirs with their children and spouses with homes and think the same thing....wow- what a wonderful life....

I sometimes wonder if I'll ever settle down. My life for the past 6 years has been nothing short of nomadic. Moving from place to place with no sense of permanance. And now I'm about to hit the road for 10 months. I see people that I went to high school with that were cruel, lived the 'rock star" life, slept around, had everything given to them, etc...now having children and thanking God for blessing their lives. Seriously? I know its probably a spiritual battle that I deal with...but I cant help to think- what about me God? I've never been in a serious relationship and I really dont complain about it. Ever, really. But I think...am I so damaged that I won't have those kind of blessings? Am I doomed to live a single, nomadic life for as long as I live. Man...that sucks.

I use to have dreams of doing ministry in Israel, brokering peace deals, etc. I feel like here lately my dreams are changing...marriage, buying a home, even kids. Yes, children. And Im terrified that Im actually admitting to that. And NO I dont want that now, but you have to start somewhere and I'm wondering where I will have that chance to start. Stability. A career and not just a job. Financial stability and the ability to pay off those damn student loans which for once, I'm starting to regret.

Maybe this is just an off night for me. I've went through a WIDE range of emotions these past couple weeks with this new job. As much as I look forward to it, it honestly scares the dickens out of me. I know in order to keep myself together...I really need to dig deep with God. I know it will all come together in His time, but its just so hard seeing everyone else starting families and people you went to high school with that have kids that are already 4 and 5 years old and I still dont have my life together. Not even close.

July 1, 2011

Its the beginning of a new month. 36 more days of adventure in NC. 5 more Sunday services at the Rock Church, 1 more holiday to celebrate, a few more hikes, a few more breaths of that fresh mountain air....

The reality of leaving this beautiful sanctuary that I have lived in for the past 6 years is starting to weigh on me. My Beautiful Asheville, with its Southern hospitality and warmth, deep friendships, gorgeous landscapes and ambient sunsets. My accountability group and amazing friends that I have grown sooo close to in such a short time. My somewhat finally stable life- a steady job, a great apartment with a great roommate- however crazy she is, a car that I'm paying for all on my own....is not so stable anymore.

I'm leaving. On August 6th, I venture into the unknown. Where God is and where He leads. I give up my job at the hotel, give up my apartment, park my car (or find someone to lease it to- hopefully) and board a plane to LA for new adventures, new friends, and a new deeper faith in God- because it will just be me and Him. Its a bittersweet reality.....I'm so excited for this journey and I know God is going to do AMAZING things in my life through this experience and opportunity, I'm going to travel around the country and see new people and cultures that are all apart of this great country...but at the cost of what I am leaving.....10 months. Will I return here to my beloved mountains, or will God see fit that I move somewhere else? Guess we will see.....

Today I am 24 years old. In 2 months and 10 days, I will turn a quarter of a century (25) and will celebrate it with a complete stranger. My church will be hosting the Becoming Womens Conference that I will not be attending. My roommate will be at a wedding and life...will...go...on......without me here. And my life will be exciting and ever changing as I explore the Great Unknown of America.

GOD IS GOOD. Who would have ever thought that I, Crystal, would be able to do this stuff? NO ONE! I wouldn't have without Him! Can you just imagine how much HE LOVES ME to let me be able to do this! To share my story....about HIS GLORY and HIS SALVATION to kids who may be facing similar stories to mine...RIGHT NOW? I know I may have conflicting emotions right now about leaving, and yes it is a sacrifice, but man.....what God is going to do on this trip is going to ROCK MY SOCKS OFF!!! My hope is not in this job, or the traveling, but its found in God and what Hes doing, and about to do.

Its 4:30 in the morning, July 1st, 2011. I'm finally going to bed, because, I have to work the night shift tonight at Springhill Suites. Only a few more nights to go.......